I Am Not A Father

Yes, I am a single mother who chose to raise my children alone instead of with a partner that express his lack of interest in having a monogamist relationship.  I chose me over a life filled with having to share a man.  I didn’t want my children growing up thinking that was the way a family should be and fall into that trap.  I have made a choice to take a decrease in hours at a job that barely pays, just to be home before my kids arrive from school, in order to greet them at the door. I have done without, in order that they might have, I have made our front yard into a water park, our backyard into a mountain top filled with snow, while cheering them on as they race down on homemade sleds made out of cardboard boxes.  I have been their doctor, counselor, emotional punching bag, a shoulder to cry on, that mom that will fight a kid if you mess with mine, and willing to make a fool of myself just to see them smile.  I am cautious with who I date and with whom meets them because I want them to know things are done decently and in order.  We don’t just date, but we are in hopes of a life partner.

But with all that I have single handedly done, I am not a father. I can’t teach my children the things only a father can and I will never give myself credit for doing that which God created man to do.  I encourage my children to watch their grandfather, their uncles, and any good man we might know that they might know what a good man does.  I don’t want a salute for doing what I should do as a mother.  This is a special day for all the real MEN to be honored for doing what a father does and I will never accept the honor of being both the mother and father.  I am only a mother fulling my role and instilling the things in my children’s life that only a mother can.

Seeing God……….

Here I am, sitting and waiting in anticipation, of what this year is about to bring. I am so excited about a fresh start. No one really knows the struggles I have faced, throughout the last couple of years. I swore I would never give place to the devil, so I am glorifying God that I am still standing here. With my arms lifted up, and my head held up high, I say thank you Lord for just giving me another day.

As I go on day to day, I often times see people complaining about how awful a day it had been. I shake my head, because I know somebody didn’t wake up to see that day.  It could have been a day without my daughter, but God chose to spare me that sorrow. How can you not awake with a mind set to please God, when He has done great things? Yes, I understand life wasn’t easy, and for some of us it has been downright unfair at times. If you just take the time to see God in every area of your life. From the beginning to where you are now. Then you can see his hand at work in your life, and know that you are blessed indeed.

I would be lying if I said; I never wavered in my faith. I lost my home; God gave a home, I felt to me. As soon as I signed the papers and received my keys, it was like a dream. I was so excited about my new home.  It came with a four-bedrooms, a two-car garage, and three bathrooms, a formal and informal living room, and large kitchen area. Two weeks later, after moving in, I lost my job. That was least of my worries. The problem was that, with all of my skills and experience I could not find a job. That was abnormal for me, because I could walk into any company in my field and get a job. Every door for a job closed. I was over qualified for every position I put in applications at. Believe me, I applied for jobs working in clothing stores, convenience stores, restaurants, and temp services all jobs outside my field of expertise.

I lost my home a year later and it just crushed me. I could of given up on God, throw in the towel, and gone back out into a world that had nothing for my gain. Nevertheless, I kept on praising God. Although I didn’t understand why the things that were happening to me were happing. I knew I could not give up on a man who made a promise to each and every one of us. That promise: Isaiah 1:19: If you are willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land (KJV).  I believe that He is, and that he is a rewarder of them who seek him diligently. Hebrews 11:6:  So I kept seeking the deeper things of God (KJV). Job 13:15: Though he slay me, yet will I trust Him. Therefore, I kept trusting and holding onto His unchanging hand (KJV).

Three years later………….

My daughter who was diagnosed with cancer the same year we moved. Is cancer free! My son whom nobody thought was going to make it due to his autism is one grade away from the honor roll. God has made ways out of no ways. I published my first book, with the second on its way. I started a magazine just for women. My ministry is going higher & higher. All of this happened, because I chose to see God in all things. Whether good or bad I know without any doubt, it is working for my good.

I ask that you take what is only a part of my story and be encouraged that God is able, and He is willing. If you only believe and give Him glory in hard times as well as good times.